Note To Self

The camera does add 10 (or 20 pounds).   

Get ye to the gym AND fast!

Me, Natalie and AARP

I went to the doctor's office today and while waiting I saw a magazine with a pretty black woman on the cover.  Ooohhh, Natalie Cole.  I wanted to read the article but the magazine was AARP The Magazine.  I immediately thought, do you really want to read this? You don't want someone to think you are interested in other items in the magazine, like the adult diapers, or heaven forbid they think you qualify as old enough to read AARP (sorry Mom).

So, what did I do?

I looked around to make sure no one was watching me (or the magazine), picked it up, folded the cover back (so you couldn't see AARP) and got my read on.

Can I Get a Do Over?

Tell me all of this gets better.

I’ve been absent because I’m trying to figure out WTH I’m going to do with my life. Unfortunately I keep thinking: “can I get a do over?”

So, since I can’t get a do-over. I’m learning how to deal with it all. This is it! or is that, This is it?

Dang, life has humbled me the past two years but I’m still here. I can't get a do-over so I'm trying to figure out how to do-now.

Let's see what I come up with.

Yes, the blog is bright red now. I'm so bored with the templates available that I decided to be in your face...how I want to live my life now.

Hyperpigmentation be gone!

Remember when I look like this 12 weeks ago?  I really can't express how much worse it was than this showed.


Now I looks like this!

No more bad concealer.  No more running from people I know and hanging out in dark alleys. My complexion is almost 100% clear and I owe it to my dermatologist, SkinCeuticals and RetinA.  Little birds chirping in the background.  My daily facial routine:

Morning

-wash: a cream cleanser to moisturize and take the residue off from the night

- tone: Burt's Bees rosewater & glycerin toner

- eyes: Auriderm illume eye creme (for dark circles)

- Moisturize & Prevent SkinCeuticals Hydrating B5 Gel & Phloretin CF (drops are mixed)

- Extra Preventative: A Serum...whatever I'm feeling at the moment

- Hide: Neutrogena FaceShield 55SPF

Night

-wash: something different from the morning probably...I take my mascara off with olive oil

-tone: s/a

-eyes: s/a

-Moisturize & Prevent: s/a

-RETIN A... I love this stuff.  I have definitely seen a difference in my tone and those little lines...what lines I say!  BEG (on your hands and knees if you have to) your dermatologist for some.

-Extra Moisturize: a replenishing oil for that extra work when I sleep then I wake up all beautiful and rested...ok I wake up rested!  

Now, time to conquer these extra pounds (I start back at the gym and the South Beach diet this week).  

What is your beauty ritual?  What products have worked miracles for you?

It's Official...

I'm 40...mammogrammed out and all!

For those of you that said a mammogram is torture...hmmm...sorry. It was pretty easy to me. I do have a high pain tolerance though. Weirdo yes.

Has everyone else had their mammogram?  And yes, I'm back...for this week.  LOL (the pressure)  

Sometimes You Gots To Chill

I know it's been a few weeks but REALLY...I just had to CHILL! In my rageous age I'm learning not to sweat the small stuff and just do me. I'm enjoying me much more and remembering who I used to be, figuring out who I want (or am supposed) to be and paying attention to what God has planned for me.

So, I've taken my much needed blogging break; I'm back and much lighter (figuratively, not literally...I wish) I'll add. I'll share more in the coming days.

Until then...CHILL

Product Review: Auriderm Illume Eye Cream

I've been on this quest to maintain my sexy.  Since turning 40, I don't want to let myself go and we all know how easy that is.  An extra helping of mashed potatoes, those cokes, daily happy hours, I'll exercise tomorrow (which rarely comes); oh, yes it is very easy to lose your sexy at 40 and older.   Ladies, I know we are tired of it all and want to do what we want to do, but we will just feel worse when it "all" creeps up on us then we bemoan when did xxx happen?  So, instead of those extra cokes, apple martinis, frappucinos and other yummy but not great for you items let's spend the money on making ourselves look and feel better.  Trust me, in the end this is much better for your self-esteem and health.

Stepping off of my soapbox.

Remember, when I went to the dermatologist for my hyperpigmentation?  I also had circles under my eyes.  Pretty (ugly) I know.  I purchased a product for that also.  I would like to report it is working wonders!  I no longer look like the other person won the fight or like a panda cub (cute as they may be).  

Auriderm Illume Eye Creme - $50

Use twice daily (with your regular eye cream) and you are good to go.  You should start seeing results in 4-6 weeks (I did).  

Auriderm is now part of my beauty arsenal!  Great product!  

Does anyone else use anything for dark circles?  

Wrong Target Market

Yesterday, I received a clothing catalog in the mail and was excited because I thought it was my beloved Anthropologie.  At second glance it wasn't, it was Urban Outfitters.  Hmmm.  I've never received a catalog from them I thought.  I haven't purchased any clothes from there since college.  I have seen some cute, funky items for my house, but clothes...no.  I wondered, how did I get on the mailing list considering I'm a little past their target marketing age.  Well, maybe there was something cute in the catalog I thought.  

Hmmmmm.  Nope!

Again.  How did they get my information?  They should ask for their money back for my name on that list they purchased.  What a rip-off!  Clearly, I'm not in their target group!  Where is my Anthropologie catalog?  

What catalogs are you waiting for?  

Urban Outfitters Early Fall '09 Catalog 

Are my Toes Aging?

No seriously, I'm having some toe issues and I need help.  One toe on my left foot and 2 on my right (my toe knuckles if there is a such thing), the skin is getting/has gotten hard and dark.  Hyperpigmentation on my toes?  I mean WTFIGOH?  Any suggestions for helping my toes and feet?  I would hate to pay money to go back to my expensive azz dermatologist for my toes but I will.  

So...what do I do?  What do I do about my toes peeps?  I know you are laughing but answer my question between giggles!  

How the Dermatologist Jacked Me Up

Do I look happy?  NOOOOOO!!!!!  

I haven't been taking the best care of myself, I'll admit it.  I've been crazy stressed, don't sleep like I should and haven't been eating right.  So, when a few months ago when I started getting dark spots on my face I was concerned.  I changed my facial products.  No avail.  I tried to sleep more.  No luck.  I am trying to drink more water.  Nope.  So, I purchased OTC Esoterica fade cream.  That worked a tiny bit but I was still concerned because it wasn't really working.  Dark marks on the face...not cute.  I had to wear concealer/foundation moisturizer and I don't like concealer and foundation.  

I finally broke down and contacted my dermatologist but it was 45 days to see her.  Not good enough.  I looked for reviews for other top dermatologists.  I made an appointment with one since the wait was only a week.  Immediately (when I walked through the door) I knew I wouldn't like this dermatologist but my face needed help.  She gave me a more potent lightening cream, Obagi.  I used this stuff for 2 weeks and my face got worse.  As a matter of fact the chemicals burned my face.  

Uh, oh.  Not happy.

I contacted my regular dermatologist and begged for an emergency appointment.  I went the next day and she looked at my face and said "What happened to you?"  I told her the story and she said the treatment was too strong for my skin since I have sensitive skin.  She also informed me that the burn went down a layer or two on my face and the only way to get the discoloration out now is a combination of natural lightening products and laser.  

OUCH!  

So, let's talk how much money I'm out now.  I paid $115 to the first doctor for treatment and products that made me worse.  My regular doctor (who I trust) says I need new products and laser.  Products and office visit $365.  Laser which I haven't had yet $350.  

Oh, and what did this all start from?  Hormones I'm told.  WHAT?????  

Is this what I have to continue looking forward to in my 40s?  HORMONES messing up my life, body and face?  I've been taking hormones for 5 years now and I'm just 40!  I wonder if I need a new prescription or if this is par for the course.  I'm not coming off of them because the doctor said I'm too young and they have their benefits of which I'm totally in support of.  

ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! 

I guess until this goes away it's concealer and foundation.  Any good recommendations out there?  

Oh, what did I learn from this?  Never trust my face to anyone else except Cultura.  Just like my dentist, they are both a little more expensive but oh so worth it!  

Washing That Gray Right Outta My Hair!

Remember the commercial jingle from the '70s?  

"I'm gonna wash that gray right outta my hair.  I'm gonna wash that gray right outta my hair."

whistling now....

Well, that is exactly what I did today!  No, my brows aren't gray, but I need to look like a natural redhead don't I? 

And how was your day?  

So, I'm 40...

Yupeers, I'm 40 now.  Ok.  Now What?  

I've been silent this week because I figured something, anything was supposed to happen.  

It didn't.  Honestly, I think I was a little disappointed.  

I still am but if this year hasn't taught me anything it has taught me to be faithful and trust in the Lord.  Each day I am praying and saying "Let your will be done" and you know what?  It is. I'm feeling better and while I still have a way to go I just feel better and I do see my life changing for the good.  Hey, my way certainly hasn't worked so... lol  

Sorry, I digress...

My birthday came and went with no hoopla.  No party.  No trip.  No nada mucho.  You see, I'm adopting and looking for a new job so there isn't a whole lot of extra money for these things.  I plan to do something this year, but I was hoping my birthday would have been the time.  

The birthday was nice and peaceful though.  I'm thankful I wasn't stressed and pray I have left that ultimate stress in my 30s.  I bought new shoes (3 pairs and clothes)...thanks Mom and Bob. I got a beautiful new ceiling fan...thanks Bob.  I went to church first.  I have a new wonderful man in my life (I'll call him A).  We spent the day by the water in Baltimore walking hand in hand.  We ate great seafood and had gelato for dessert.  

For those that have asked me about A.  Yes, I met him online.  Yes, he is normal (today) LOL. We have been seeing each other about a month now almost daily.   He is a Christian.  Never married.  No kids.  Two dogs.  Employed.  Handsome.  Dimples.  Athletic.  Nice body.  39.  Very funny.  He gets me and I get him.  I adore him.  'Nuff said.  

There you have it.  Where I stand on being 40 today, June 12th.  

Are You Lying About Your Age?

Proudly we proclaim 40 is the new 30.  Yes, what a great sisterhood we have in our new found "youth".  New goals are set and we finally understand the statement youth is wasted on the young.  We promise not to do "that" anymore because we are smarter, stronger, and wiser now.  

But are we? 

Many women over 40 still feel the pressure from society to lie about their age.  40 is still 40... meaning it's just old.  No one will want you.  Hang it up.  You will never get married.  YIKES! So, many beautiful women believe the hype and start off relationships carrying an unnecessary burden or misleading the man.  Sure, men do it to...I've met a few and when I found out I gave them the boot.  I didn't want to date anyone in that age bracket (50s) and I certainly didn't want to date anyone that would lie about their age.  It just didn't bode well with me.  

I know I'm just turning 40 but as I'm online dating there are LOTS of men that are not interested in dating me because of my age.  OK.  Keep in Moving.  They just are not meant for me.  I come with other issues too...at age 35 I lost my ability to have children.  Try telling a man that.  Keep it moving.  I know there is a man for me, but I'm not going to lie about who I am. Plus, I'm a terrible liar anyway.  Just ask my mother.

I know some of you do it and have done it.  I don't mean to offend and I'm not berating you...it's just not my thing. But remember all of these little cliches:  

• You're only as old as you tell yourself
• Age is only a number
• Age is mind over matter, if you mind then it matters
• Get up and move (I just made that one up)
• If they don't want you the way you are, the hell with them (ok, I made that up too)

Finally, thanks to Fabulous After 40 for posting this video from CBS about Should Women Lie About Being Over 40...this actually sparked my post for the day.

Watch CBS Videos Online

 So, what do you think?  Is it okay to lie about your age?  

Electrolysis or Bust!

I have only achieved a fraction of my Rocking 40 List so far, but this weekend I came up with the first of my Nameless 41 List(any suggestions for a name?).  I have decided that my moustache dainty lip hairs are out of control!  I can't take it anymore!  As soon as I wax or use that little tool from CVS they pop right back up...just like my darn gray hairs!  To make matters worse, they are dark brown/black.  Very noticeable...possibly a dirty upper lip, a rash, huh a moustache!  No woman is supposed to have whiskers on her face!  It just is not normal!  Therefore, the first addition to my Nameless 41 List is Electrolysis.  Maybe I can get my eyebrows done at the same time so I can keep my fabulous $75 looking eyebrows all the time!  

Has anyone had electrolysis?  Does it hurt?  What is the cost I wonder for my little lip?  Do you think I should get it done for my eyebrows also?

Beauty Tricks

I've heard from many of you that you have gotten rid of (or are trying to) your dull wardrobe in order to get your sexy back.  Let's not forget our face.  Everyday, as I look in the mirror, I think "yea, you're still cute albeit not that IT girl like you used to be," c'est la vie.  Buttttt...I'm going to hold onto this cute, sexy woman as long as I possibly can and man it is work!  I would much prefer the Ben & Jerry's to the Tofu anyday!  And we are only hitting 40 now...argghhh.  Oh, well, I'm sure once I figure out what works it will be a breeze.  At least that is what I tell myself.  Anyhoo,  just like I'm purging my closet because that cute little black dress is no longer so cute, I need to rethink my makeup choices.  So, thanks to More (the May issue) following are a few (ok, 40) tips for us all:    

1. Switch to a sheer foundation. "Pores get larger as we age and a full-coverage foundation settles into them, making them look even bigger," says Pat Wexler, MD, a dermatologist in New York City. A better bet: Use a light, hydrating formula and apply in a thin layer.
2. Go golden. "Skin loses pigment -- and radiance -- as you age. So either switch to a foundation with a warmer tint, add a drop of liquid bronzer to your favorite foundation, or make bronzing powder part of your makeup regimen," says Sandy Linter, a consulting makeup artist for Lancome. Try Clinique True Bronze Bronzing Gel ($19, clinique.com), Estee Lauder Bronze Goddess Sun-Blush Illuminator ($32, esteelauder.com), Elizabeth Arden Mineral Bronzing Powder ($32, elizabetharden.com) or YSL Tresor D'Afrique Bronzer Sun Powder ($72, yslbeautyus.com).
3. Cover blemishes correctly. "Never use an undereye concealer to hide a pimple -- it slides right off," Wexler says. "I prefer an oil-free concealing pencil. It's opaque enough to cover but dry enough that it stays put." Her favorite: Shiseido The Makeup Corrector Pencil ($17, sephora.com).
4. Put on two layers of moisturizer. Apply one before foundation, then pat on a second, very light coat over your makeup. "This gives your skin a dewy finish and an extra dose of hydration," says Audrey Kunin, MD, a dermatologist in Kansas City.
5. Create the illusion of lift. "Use an illuminating cream or powder on your upper cheekbone, the center of your forehead, and just below your lower lip," says Laura Geller, a makeup artist in New York City. "The first two spots make the top of the face appear lifted, the latter detracts from sagginess around the chin." Good for most skin tones: DiorSkin Shimmer Powder in Pop Diamond ($43, sephora.com) or Laura Geller Liquid Candlelight Face and Body Glow ($24, qvc.com).
6. Use hot flash-proof makeup. "Water-resistant eyeliner and mascara stay put when your body temp soars," says Geller, who also recommends keeping powder to a minimum since it cakes up on a damp face. Try Cover Girl Exact Eyelights Waterproof Eye Brightening Mascara ($8, drugstores).
7. Get cheeky. "A rosy color on the apples of your cheeks brightens not-so-radiant skin," says makeup artist Bobbi Brown. Two we like: Jane Iredale Cream Blush in Clarity ($26, dermstore.com) and Bobbi Brown Cheek Tint in Sheer Raspberry ($22, bobbibrowncosmetics.com).
8. Book brow time. "Eyebrow shaping takes five years off your face. Have it done by a pro, then follow the lines yourself. Thinking you can create the right shape is like thinking you can cut your own hair," says Kimara Ahnert, a makeup artist in New York City.
9. Stop waxing your brows after 40. "You're killing the hair root," Linter warns. "If you ever want to grow back those hairs, you're out of luck."
10. Do a mini eye-lift. "Use a brow pencil or powder along the top line of your arches to make the whole eye appear raised," Geller says.
11. Stop eyeliner bleed. "Apply liner as you usually do, then use a cotton swab to subtly smudge the line at the outer corners, directing it upward," Linter says. "Skip this step and the color will settle into your smile lines, making you look tired."
12. Don't neglect your nails. Keeping your tips buffed to a shine -- or polished in a color with some blue or pink in it (too much yellow accentuates sallowness) -- will make your hands look younger. A lacquer that works on almost everyone: OPI Nail Polish in Otherwise Engaged ($7, opi.com for stores), an opalescent pink.
13. Kiss dark lipstick good-bye. A very deep, dark lip hue is unattractive if it bleeds into the creases around your mouth. Soft, neutral shades such as rose or peach for fair to medium tones and sheer browns and berries for dark skin are the most flattering. Try Shiseido Perfect Rouge Lipstick in Venetian Rose ($25, sephora.com) for fair to medium skin, or Laura Mercier Shimmer Lip Colour in Candy Pink ($22, lauramercier.com) for dark skin.
14. Be wary of too many layers. The whole "no long hair after a certain age"' thing is total bunk, but be careful of a cut that's too shaggy, says Ted Gibson, a New York City stylist, "If your hair is graying, avoid lots of layers, because they make wiry strands even more stubborn and unruly."
15. Think bangs, not Botox. Use your hair to camouflage forehead lines. But ensure that bangs are brow-skimming and fringed (not blunt) at the ends so the look isn't too severe.
16. Skip the jaw-length bob. A style that hits right at the jawbone emphasizes any sags. "Go for something about an inch longer," Gibson suggests. "It's just as chic, but it hides slack skin."
17. Give mousse another try. If your last encounter with this foamy volumizer was when Madonna wore headbands, here's the scoop: There's a new mousse in town, reformulated so it still thickens but no longer stiffens. "A golf ball-size dollop applied to damp hair plumps your strands but still leaves them soft," says Boston-based stylist Gretta Monahan, who likes Dove Body and Lift Volumizing Mousse ($3, drugstores).
18. Use a boar-bristle brush. "Gray hair is often kinky and hard to smooth," says Farah Reid, director of education at New York City's Blow salon. "Using a boar-bristle brush while blow-drying grabs and holds on to hair, creating more tension than you'd get with plastic or metal bristles." Try the Mason Pearson Boar Bristle Pocket Mixture Brush ($90, beauty.com).
19. Don't shampoo every day. Sudsing up more than three or four times a week can dry your hair and fade your color. "As you get older your scalp produces less oil, so you don't need to wash as often," says Kyle White, a colorist at New York City's Oscar Blandi Salon. "But if you just can't get used to the idea of a day without cleaning your hair [or you work out -- and sweat -- a lot], get in the shower and rinse with just water, or spray a dry shampoo into your roots, then brush it through." Try Bumble and Bumble Hair Powder ($34, bumbleandbumble.com).
20. Add a few highlights by your face. "It brightens up your skin and softens the look of fine lines," says Jason Backe, a colorist at Gibson's salon.
21. You're going gray where? If you want to match the hair down there to what's on your head, try a color kit safe for sensitive skin (look for something made without ammonia). The creator of Betty Hair Color, Nancy Jarecki, points out that if you're tired of the natural look, going orange or hot pink might perk things up a bit. (And you thought the Brazilian was your only option.) Betty Color $15, bettybeauty.com) comes in 10 shades.
22. Try a hair growth inhibitor. A prescription cream like Vaniqa or an over-the-counter option such as Aveeno Positively Smooth Moisturizing Lotion ($8, drugstores) reduces the growth of coarse body hair that can be caused by hormone fluctuations.
23. Invest in a magnifying mirror. To zero in on stray hairs -- around your eyebrows and elsewhere -- skip the reading glasses and pick up a small magnifying mirror with suction cups. If you stick it on the bathroom cabinet, you may be surprised at what you'll see in a different light.
24. Peptides. We repeat: peptides. Every single dermatologist we interviewed insists it is the most effective ingredient in serums and moisturizers to firm and lift. One peptide-packed product that works on all skin types: Kinerase C6 Peptide Intensive Treatment ($96, sephora.com).
25. Add retinol to your regimen. Whereas peptides plump and firm, retinol (or tretinoin, its Rx cousin, in products like Retin-A and Renova) smooths and evens out skin tone. Try ROC Retinol Correxion Deep Wrinkle Serum ($22, drugstores).
26. Breaking out? Don't even think about borrowing your teen's medication. "Their acne products contain benzoyl peroxide, which is too drying for older skin. A product made with salicylic acid, antioxidants, and calming ingredients will work just as well without leaving your skin dry and tight," says Wexler. We like Neutrogena Rapid Clear Acne Defense Lotion ($8, drugstores) and Pat Wexler Acnescription Overnight Acne Repair Lotion ($20, bathandbodyworks.com).
27. Hormone surge? Up the ante. "Women can get cystic pimples well into their 40s," says Denver plastic surgeon Christine Rogers, MD. If you tend to erupt the week before your period (or, if you're perimenopausal, around the time you feel like you're PMSing), exfoliate with an at-home scrub or peel twice a month to keep pores clear and slough off dead skin cells, clearing the way for (and boosting the potency of ) your treatment products, says Los Angeles dermatologist Zein Obagi. At-home scrubs that promise results without lasting redness: Kate Somerville ExfoliKate Gentle ($65, katesomerville.com) and Olay Regenerist Detoxifying Pore Scrub ($9, drugstores).
28. Fight fine lines -- in the shower. Before you step under the water, massage a drop of grapeseed oil into the skin around your eyes for 10 minutes, Obagi says: "It will improve skin texture." The oil is moisturizing, yes, but it also contains antioxidants that fight wrinkle-causing free radicals, which are deposited on your skin by UV rays and pollution during the day.
29. Sleep on two pillows. "Keeping your head elevated prevents fluid from collecting around your eyes during the night and causing puffiness in the morning," says San Antonio-based dermatologist Vivian Bucay, MD.
30. Put your eye cream in the fridge. "The cold temperature shrinks blood vessels and helps to minimize undereye bags," Obagi says.
31. Moisturize in layers. "For maximum plumping, follow your regular lotion with a heavy cream or facial oil. On really bad beauty days, I put on oil and wait an hour before looking in the mirror," admits makeup artist Bobbi Brown, who swears by Bobbi Brown Extra Face Oil ($60, bobbibrowncosmetics.com). A 10-minute moisturizing mask also plumps you up fast. We like Sonya Dakar Hydrating Blue Mask ($67, sonyadakar.com).
32. Baby your neck and chest. Because the skin there is so thin, these areas generally don't age as well as your face -- especially if you've been lax on sunscreen. "Using a moisturizer with retinoids or peptides will help," says Miami and New York City-based dermatologist Fredric Brandt, MD. "But your skin in these areas is sensitive, so don't use it every night -- that could leave you overly red and flaky."
33. If all else fails, go Italian. "Skin luminosity makes you look younger," Rogers says. "Once a year, I go bike riding in Italy, where I can eat all I want and look at gorgeous Italian men all day. It makes my complexion glow."
34. Remove stains at home. Combine equal parts baking soda and hydrogen peroxide, and use it to brush your teeth once a week. "This combo removes surface stains -- and it's totally safe," says New York City cosmetic dentist Gregg Lituchy, DDS.
35. Follow the 20-minute rule. "Whitening toothpastes don't stay on the teeth long enough to work," Lituchy says. "A product should sit for at least 20 minutes to provide any kind of noticeable result." To lighten at home, try Crest Whitestrips Advanced Seal ($45 for a two-week supply, drugstores), which should be worn for 30 minutes twice a day.
36. Consider porcelain veneers. "Many women over 40 were given tetracycline as children, which permanently darkened their teeth," Lituchy says. "Whiteners alone probably won't bleach out the stains, but porcelain veneers instantly and permanently give you a white smile." Veneers start at about $500 per tooth.
37. Get a dental facelift. Cheek sagging is often caused by receding gums as we age. "If you have your teeth subtly built up with thin veneers or bonding, it stretches the tissue of the upper lip and gives you a natural facelift sans surgery," says New York cosmetic dentist Jeff Golub-Evans, DDS.
38. Wear a scent that's not too spicy. Fragrance can make you feel fresh, femme fatale-ish, or even formidable. But don't overdo it. "During menopause, when your body temperature can spike spontaneously, you should avoid intense scents. Heated up, they become cloying," says Debbie Wild, fragrance and lifestyle director for Jo Malone. A safe but still sexy pick: Jo Malone Honeysuckle and Jasmine Cologne ($55, jomalone.com).
39. Make your scent endure. Another by-product of dry skin? "Fragrance doesn't last as long," Wild says. What helps: slathering on body lotion before you spritz to give your skin a slightly tacky surface -- and something for your scent to latch on to.
40. Raise your brows for photos. "This gives the appearance of an instant facelift," Kunin says. (If you aren't Botoxing, this is your payoff.)

If you read all of this (you are amazing)...do you have any other tips?  

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Remember that little lent thing of working out 'er day?  Yea, didn't happen.  

Remember my goal of being in better shape in year 40?  Yea, hasn't happened...yet.

I went on a date last weekend with an ex and he sent me pictures from the date.  YIKES.  He looked good (ok, he needs to loose weight but he's a comedian and he's fine with it, it's part of his routine now...lol), meanwhile I looked like I was very Hip. LITERALLY.  I never knew my hips were (or could get) so wide!  Yet, my date loved them.  He said I had woman curves now!  ROTFL  I was horrified.  I have a few too many curves, in a few too many places.  He even said, "hey did your boobs get bigger."  Yea, that's what happens with weight, it just goes everywhere!  ARGHH  I was pretty okay with my girl curves as he called them.  I don't know if I'll have them back again because once you hit that pause button you fight and fight and DARN IT fight for every freakin' ounce but this is ridiculous.  I'm not going out like a punk.  

Those pictures were scary!  I'm back in the gym with classes because obviously I need someone yelling at me.  Do you think I can tighten some of this up by my birthday in a month?  Let's hope so because I'm going shopping for my 40th and I would like to buy my normal size!  

So, the moral to the story is...take a picture...that will smack a bit of reality into your life!  

Any words of encouragement are welcomed!

Career Crisis

Can I be honest?  I'm not happy go lucky these days.  Oh, can you tell?  Do you want to know why?  I'm having a career crisis!  I'm 39.11 (lol) and I don't know what the heck I want to do when I grow up!  I have way too much education (and student loans) to be like this.  You would think that after that MBA I would have figured it out.  NOPE!  Once I got it (1999) and became a high-paid corporate consultant I was like what the hell!?  Is this what I signed up for?  Hated it. (huge sighhhh)   I moved on after a few years and have been moving on ever since trying to find my niche.  

What do I really want to do?  Don't know.  Some days I think I do.  Some days I don't know.  I'm a crazy ass Gemini who loves the 60s.  I've been like this for a good decade (Yes, I know.  Pretty sad.  I had you fooled didn't I?) so it isn't anything new, but since I'm turning 40 I just can't go on doing something I hate.  I'm miserable.  What do I do?  Not to mention the economy sucks...I'm not even going to get started on that one or else you might see me jump right from this page.  lol 

Much like the cartoon I used to think I could have it all and be anything I wanted, but now I've realized that sure I can have it all just not at the same time.  Sure, I can be anything I want...just as long as I choose right the first time or can afford to pay for past lessons learned.  

Ok, no bitching tomorrow...only after you solve my career crisis.  What the hell do I do when I grow up?????

The Thing About Turning 40...

This is kind of like the thing you love about your husband/man/significant other is the same thing that drives you crazy about them.  

Sexual Fluidity

As women, it is said we reach our sexual prime in our 40s, yet something else is also happening that hasn’t been talked about much until recently, this notion of love being blind (as in gender) or sexual fluidity.   Two weeks ago Oprah had a show devoted to women who were involved with women or women living without labels.   Some had left men for women and some had been in these “fluid” relationships.

One woman stated “as women, we get older and there is more push & pull (which allows for flexibility).”  This woman had never had a prior relationship with a woman yet ended up mesmerized by Jackie Warner star of the Bravo reality series Work Out.  She simply stated that her man was giving her nothing she needed and Jackie gave her everything and filled every void…she took her breathe away and so the relationship began.  They are no longer together; she now has a boyfriend of over a year that knows all about her relationship with Jackie.  Then there was Comedian Carol Leifer who said “when I turned 40 I had a last desire to tick off my mother, I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman.” She has been with Lori for 12 years now.

In Lisa Diamond’s book, Sexual Fluidity, she discusses the issue of sexual fluidity much more but mentions it's not necessarily that more women than men are likely to be involved with both genders, it has more to do with the fact that women have a greater capacity to respond erotically, under certain circumstances and to particular individuals -- in ways that might be directly inconsistent with their sexual orientation (i.e., lesbian women periodically becoming attracted to men, and heterosexual women periodically becoming attracted to women).  So at any one point in time, they might not -- in fact -- be attracted to both genders, but they have more of a capacity for fluid attractions over the life course.  Certainly, differences in the way that women and men are socialized with regard to their sexuality play a role.  

If anyone out there ever went to an all girl college and acted on their same sex attraction with another girl for a period of time then married a man that is an example of fluidity.  In my understanding fluidity is more than experimentation, it is part of who you are at that point in time.  

I haven't read the book but I do know women who are very in tune with their sexual fluidity (if you will) and those who have changed from preferring men to women and some back to men again.  I always chalked it up to being comfortable with themselves or whatever worked for them.  I had no idea that there was anything called sexual fluidity.  Maybe I'll read the book now.  It actually makes sense to me.  

What do you think about this notion of Sexual Fluidity?  The question is as we get older, as we mature more, find out who we are, likes, dislikes, needs, wants, do we become more fluid?  Are we open to being fluid or do we still deny the fluidity that is within?   Can one be fluid in a relationship?  Do you think women are becoming more sexually fluid because of the lack of quality men or because of the quality of women?  

p.s. Yes, this is a day late...you should know better by now!  

Cougar

Now that you know I:

• am not really touchy feely (unless you are my man and that doesn't apply to this post)
• don’t have very soft feelings
• have a tendency to make unpopular choices

And stick and stones…words don’t bother me that much.  I have another one for you.  How do you feel about the term "COUGAR"? 

That term that supposedly defines a woman over 40 pursuing/dating a younger man younger, seemingly making him her prey.  Ok, this word bugs me.  I don’t like it.  It makes the hair stand up on my neck.  Why, if I date someone a little younger, is he my prey?  Why would it seem as if the woman is taking advantage of the situation?  Trust, he is gaining also.  He is a big boy.  The only thing we say to men in that situation is…nothing!  We give them a pat on the back!  A high five!  However, for women we have a whole new category…cougar.  Arghhhh!

What do you think?