Planning My Funeral at Wal-Mart Today

I was feeling a little down today so I thought about planning my funeral.  This turning 40 really has me bummed.  So, what does any good 'ole American do when planning a funeral and shopping for a casket?  They go to Wal-Mart of course!  Yes, Wal-Mart!  The black casket I picked out above got 4.5 stars!

LOL

BTW...I really wasn't planning my funeral but caskets from Wal-Mart was too funny to pass up.  Thanks Misses.

RUT?

(click picture to make larger)

I'm crazy busy these days always seeming like I'm doing nothing.  I'm still working on enjoying my 40s...I'll let you know when that happens.  In the meantime see if you can decipher this:

My BFF went to Tarjay and bought me this periodic text table so she/we could understand all the new lingo.  TBH, I thought texting was NBD until this chart.  Man, it's really FMTYEWTK!  Def!  However, I will admit some are NTK so I don't look like a L7.  

So, if you have a QT or Sk8r at home then U2 will be sending me THX BTA DKDC just may be easier.  MLAS!

TFLMS.  TTFN!

Tami

The Late Night Infomercial Suka

Yes, I'm the one who stays up late and (cough) makes infomercial purchases.

I've gotten:

A super duper drill that cuts through anything...love that thing!  Whatcha got?  I'll cut it for you!

A table saw...my brother broke it.

The Magic Bullet blender...so-so.

Free Money Books...didn't get a dime.

Real Estate Investments...I own one house, mine!

A vacuum...I think???

Feet for a sewing machine to create new stitches...gave them away still in the box 2 months ago with the receipt from '99.

Windsor Pilates...I do it occasionally, as a matter of fact I took it out today!  

Some book about health...that should tell you because I can't even remember what it was.

Another money book...I just got it today, I'll tell you later.  I'm determined to find some free money, apparently, to pay for these things I keep buying off of infomercials!

I'm sure there are more that my memory has blocked out, but I've saved the best for last.

AND I'm ashamed to say...I bought Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty 3 months ago!  ROTFL

Sorry, I didn't take a picture and I couldn't find a larger picture online, okay I got too lazy.

Go ahead, I know you are laughing at me.  My dermatologist looked at me like I was crazy and had a good laugh.  I figured I might as well try it, she is beautiful, what do I have to loose.  Yes, I am the perfect consumer.  I should try sleeping more, it would keep me out of trouble.  So, here is the scoop on Cindy's product.

First, there are wayyyyyy too many products: eye, masque, decollete, morning, night, toner, cleanser, serum, creams.  Oy vey!  I was in the bathroom too long, but I admit I did like pampering myself...in the beginning.  In the end, I was like give me a break.  I don't have Cindy's money, I have crap to do.  So, I started skipping steps and that was that.  Did the products work you ask?  Somewhat.  I think they are good for sensitive skin, which I have.  I can't say that I saw any noticeable changes but things didn't get worse either.  My skin did feel nice.  I do really like the mask I will admit.  Oh, I also really like the serum but it is so small that it doesn't last a month so that could be kind of pricey.  The one thing that this kit did get me in the habit of doing is using a toner.  I now see the benefit and will continue but will probably use Burt's Bees as I really like their all natural products.  

Ok, there you have it.  Have at me or you can admit to your infomercial purchases also.  

Washing That Gray Right Outta My Hair!

Remember the commercial jingle from the '70s?  

"I'm gonna wash that gray right outta my hair.  I'm gonna wash that gray right outta my hair."

whistling now....

Well, that is exactly what I did today!  No, my brows aren't gray, but I need to look like a natural redhead don't I? 

And how was your day?  

My Nephew Wants an Older Woman

I just got off of the phone with my nephew who is a very handsome and a young 20.  Every single time he calls me one of the first things he says is "Auntie do you have a woman for me?" I laugh hysterically and continue to tell him he can't even buy alcohol legally so NOOOO.  He says he doesn't need to, he can do other things.  I laugh even harder and tell him he isn't messing with an 18 year old he would get his feelings hurt.  ;-)  

"Oh, c'mon Auntie, I'm tired of these young girls and their games and dumb conversations.  Plus, I know all of your friends are fine and not silly. I want a WOMAN!  So c'mon Auntie...hook me up!"  

Tami is now ROTFL.

I finally told him sure, I would try to find him a woman.  So...here is my attempt...tee hee.  Does anyone want a 20 year old Army boy oops MAN (as he calls it)?  LOL  I'm just being a good Auntie.  

Cougar Camp?

I know I haven't been on my posting game this week.  I was on a mid-week date.  I'll try to catch up on the posts this weekend though.  

Since we were talking about MILFs and Cougars this week I thought I would find a camp to send you on.  Yes, really.  I found a virtual Cougar Camp for you to attend.  LOL  I'm not sure who this lady is, but, huh...I had a few laughs, then my stomach got a little queasy and I simply couldn't take it anymore.  Since I suffered through it, I figured you should too.  See, how much I adore you!

Let me know if you learned anything at camp, I didn't.   

Happy Friday!  

I Never Ever Will

A few weeks ago I was on the phone talking with one of my girlfriends reminiscing about our days at our alma mater Howard University.  It seemed like yesterday when we were hanging out on the “yard”, dancing all night at the Ritz (no longer there) and wearing our little black dresses (I’ll leave it to your imagination what we used to call the dresses) to the club.  These days there is no little black dress, it's more like the black wrap dress (to hide the tummy).  

As we continued to talk we laughed about the good 'ole days and thought about turning 40.  We thought of those things we said in no way would we ever do...like:

• The electric slide (our mothers and their friends love this…they can keep it).
• Wear elastic waistbands in our clothes. Unless it is for workout clothes, elastic really should not be allowed in "street" clothes and called fashion.

On the flip side, now at almost 40, we find ourselves doing these things more:
• Getting dressed to go to the grocery store…somebody is going to notice.  Remember when you could just go to the corner and get noticed because you were 21?   Now, you have to do your hair, get dressed and put on makeup.  But oh, it’s so worth it!
Male stranger:  Excuse me, you are simply beautiful!

You:  Well, thank you.  It's nothing, I wake up like this!  

• Not taking a shower before you go out. What the hell, no one is going to look anyway.
• Not buying cheap clothes anymore.  My body doth protest too much.
• Knowing drink limits.  40 and drunk? Not a good look.
• Taking a nap before you go out.  If you want me out past 12, I need to recharge.
• Choosing…cleavage or legs, one or the other, not both. It’s all about distraction really.
• Getting more compliments from women than men…what is that about?
• Getting plenty of compliments from men; the compliments just come from married men…what is that about?
• Hearing “Yes, Ma’am” and looking around for my mother to see they are talking to me. DAMN!!!!
• Hearing “Miss Tami”.  The hair rises on my neck, why can’t I just be Tami? Sighhhhhh.

I know my friend and I are not the only one’s with our own list. What about you? 

What do you find yourself doing more now? What are those things that you will never do now that you are 40? Share with the rest of us.  

It's Friday!

Many hours late I am with nothing to say, because I'm working away!  Hey, I made a rhyme!

Man, that's a small picture...note to self: don't post so late so you can find better, larger pictures!  

Have a great weekend and let the fun and games resume bright and early Monday morning.  Stay out of trouble or for Anonymous (you know who you are) have fun while getting into some. We are 40 now, so who the hell do we have to answer to anyway!  ;-)

She Did, I Won't!!!!!

I know I talk a lot about relationships, hey I'm 39.8 and never married, but one thing I never wanted to do was get married just for the sake of it.  I'm not in love with the "idea" of marriage, frankly it scares the begesus out of me (I have more than a few friends that says it should).  Well, it doesn't scare Linda Lou Taylor, she has married 23 times!  That's right!  Read it and weep...LITERALLY!  YIKES!!!!!  You think she would have learned after the first couple of times.  What is that saying: 

Fool me once, shame on me

Fool me twice, shame on you

Fool me three times, shame on we

Fool me twenty three times, blow my stupid brains out...okay, I just made that up (and not nice I know but apropos me think), but can you think of a better one?  

New Hair Wonders???

Question:

Why when we get older does hair start to grow from places where there never where any before?

Yes, I'm asking from personal experience and I must say...$%&@, it is bothering!  Waxing, plucking and shaving places that I didn't think women had to do so.  

It's Gone!!!

Dr. Pepper and magic medication...fantabulous.  

Regular post tomorrow.

Miss me yet?

I Crushed His Head!!!

First, he said he liked independent women, so I played it cool...

Then, he said he liked romantic women, so I played it hot...

Then, he said he liked passive women, so I played it weak...

Then, he said he liked strong women, so I crushed his head!!!!! 

Yes, I'm 39 and single.  I would like to find a husband but just not any 'ole man just for the sake of it.  I'm tired of men telling me that if I do A then B (the husband) won't happen.  I've played those games for years now and I'm still single.  So, guess what?  I'm no longer that woman.  

A few days ago I was introduced to a 44 year old man I'll call Ray.  Professional, attractive and a tad obnoxious was Ray.  During our telephone conversation he mentioned I needed to find a husband.  Ok, I said.  "I need a wife, you need a husband...great match."  Hmmmm, I thought.  As the conversation continued somehow we got on the subject of single parent families and adoption.  Oh, boy, Ray really began to show his true colors.  Ray said the following verbatim (I wrote it down): "...the only thing a single parent adoption shows is you can't keep a companion or a man.  It shows your instability to keep a man...single people should not be allowed to adopt as it leads to a dysfunctional situation in the house..." SERIOUSLY!  WTF!  

Needless to say I was beside myself since I am in the process of adopting.  I let Ray continue.  Open mouth, insert foot.  Finally, I said "by the way...I am adopting."  He was a little confused until I cleared it up for him.  "Yes.  Adopting.  Now.  I'm waiting for my daughter to come home now, although I do have a little wait."  Ohhhh weeee.   I wish I were a fly on a wall last night.  He tried to back peddle, but I wouldn't let him.  I then went off on him sister-gurl style.  No, it wasn't a pretty sight or sound at all.  

Ray then suggested to me that I get married first because having a child will limit my dating and husband options.  Oh, really?  "Let's see", I said.  "I'm 39 and never married.  I tried to wait and find the man for me and it didn't work out, so I think I'll be just fine!  Any man that I marry will love me and my daughter.  He'll be fine with us both!"  Oh, I was a pissed off woman!  But that is not even the end of it.  He had the nerve to ask me, after all of that, "what do I think about the two of us?"  WHATTTTTTT?????  He wanted to know if we had a chance.  If I wanted to get to know him.   "Hey, maybe I could be your husband", he said HUH NOOO!   

Ladies, I don't know about you, but I can only be who I am.  I've done much and lost more all for the sake of getting and keeping a man.  Those days are over!  Yes, I do want the relationship, but I'm no longer sacrificing me for anyone anymore!  So, if you've been sacrificing yourself for anyone...take yourself back in 2009!  

Merry Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas Eve everyone!  Enjoy your last minute shopping and please watch what is in Santa's milk tonight! :-)

Are Your Stockings Hung?

I've been sick with the flu for two days, but with only 2 more days until Christmas I thought everyone could use a little humor.  So, if you haven't put up your tree or hung those stockings with care yet...shame on you.  However, with this little comic, I'm sure you'll never be able to look at Christmas stockings the same again.  

Something To Talk About

Do whatever makes you happy, even the snowwomen have figured that out.  People will talk no matter what.  So give them something to talk about and make yourself happy in the process.  

I used to have people talking all the time about what I was doing.  I thought it was hilarious, but I've been pretty quiet lately.  Time to stir stuff up again.  I'm bored.  Does this blog count as being quiet, I'm not sure?

What are you going to do this year to make yourself happy?  A new set of snow cones?  A new car?  An expensive purse?  A trip?  As Bonnie Raitt says "Let's Give Them Something To Talk About."

Have a Great Weekend!

Shake That Christmas Present

Happy Friday!  

In celebration of the Holidays, I thought this would bring a smile (and laughter) to your faces.  You don't have to be 40 to enjoy this video...no age discrimination today!  :-) A big THANKS to Rozette for sending me this video.  

Have a weekend and stay out of trouble!  Nah, just have fun!