I don't know about you but as much as I hate to admit it, I've succumbed to texting like a teenager (too bad I don't have the metabolism to match). In conferences when I'm bored, last night at a pageant, at the grocery store, in the doctor's office, in the airport, on my couch...I've even been know to text while in the bathroom (not my finest moment). I'm a grown woman for goodness sakes when does it end? I'll tell you when. In courtship. I can't stand a man substituting texting for actual conversations.
Excuse me. Telephone. Dial. Speak.
All of this technology has made everyone so lazy and if dating (at 39.10) wasn't hard enough, I have to fight to get an actual telephone call. What is wrong with that picture? My girlfriends and I often talk about how frustrating the texts are and we try to decipher what the heck the texts meant. More often than not, we end up giving them the boot via text since that is what they understand or not since they never return texts or pickup the phone anyway. I guess we just weren't "sexty" enough. Apparently understanding the meaning of texts poses a common problem for woman so much so that Cosmo has written an article about texting with a man. The article was not only comical but provided a little insight for me, so I thought I would share for with the other single women baffled by men texting instead of picking up the phone.
The 3 Text Messages Women Overanalyze
By Sammy Davis
We get a short text message from someone we're into, and then immediately show it to our friends for analysis. Then we read it again — and again, and again, and again — to pore over the time it was sent, the choice of words, and any other hidden signs of meaning. For many of us, the text message is the easiest way to communicate, but can be the most difficult to understand. Yet, despite the complex layers you swear you’re reading between the lines of your tiny cell phone screen, most texts are more straightforward than your heart may mistakenly believe.
Think of it this way: Would a modern-day Romeo have texted Juliet instead of wooing her in person? Perhaps. But then Juliet would have spent 15 minutes analyzing his electronic poetry, and they may never have become star-crossed lovers.
The members of Cosmo Confidential — Cosmopolitan's online Q&A community for dating, sex, and relationship advice — have seen the good, bad and ugly of text messages. Here’s three up for their analysis — and your reply.
TXT MSG #1
(Sent Saturday, 1:03 a.m.) "Hey, are you out tonight?"
What You Think It Means: “He’s been thinking about me all night. He must really like me, but is too scared to call.”
What It Really Means: Misssongstress offered her interpretation. “He’s at the bar with his friends,” she said. “After a few drinks, they’re bored of one another, the game, the atmosphere, whatever. So man takes phone out of pocket, and man seeks woman via text message. And, honey, that woman just happens to be you.”
How You Respond: If you’re just as buzzed — or if you think said man is truly into you and you have evidence to confirm it — reply back appropriately. “I’m out at [insert bar name here.] You should swing by!”
If he doesn’t reply that night, don’t text him again. And whatever you do: Don’t send him a follow-up text the next day. He chose to text while drinking, and you chose to reply. If the conversation stops there, the text message wasn’t worth analyzing in the first place.
“After a night out at the bar, I have the terrible habit of texting every girl I’ve ever had romantic relations with,” confessed Rodeofella847. “I usually send them a ‘Hey, what’s up’ text, and then pass out at home before seeing their reply. The next day, I turn on my cell phone to find the repercussions of my actions — five different women texting me, all asking if I’m OK!”
TXT MSG #2
(Sent Tuesday, 8:37 p.m.) “Hey, there. How was your day?”
What You Think It Means: “He asked something so sweet and caring that he’s clearly head over heels for me. Now I have to play hard to get! I’ll send a short reply to see if he carries on the conversation.”
What It Really Means: You’ve been on a few dates, but you’re not an item — yet. His check-in texts imply something more. Our thoughts: Yes, he likes you. But head over heels? Too soon to tell.
“If I’m really into her, I’ll text random love notes to her, like ‘Saw something that reminded me of you,’ or ‘Hope you’re enjoying this weather.’ I won’t ask her questions better suited for a real conversation,” said Laxplyrpsu.
How You Respond: Skip the generic “Good, how was yours?” reply. And whatever you do, don’t play games. Flirt back, and in between emoticons, ask him to call you later. If he’s smart, he will. Maybe not at that very moment, but later on that evening. If he doesn’t call, you have every right to pick up the phone and dial.
Our suggestion: "Hey! My day is good, but it’d be even better if you gave me a call later [insert smiley face here]."
“Don’t try to act disinterested by giving short replies. He’s probably texting you first because he’s too shy to call,” said Sugarsailor349. “Give him reason to pick up the phone, and you’ll both win.”
TXT MSG #3
(Sent Sunday, 12:19 p.m.) “Hey, did you get home OK?”
What You Think It Means: “I have absolutely no idea. I just slept with the guy, and when we woke up, he seemed to want the bed to himself, so I just left. I’m still not sure what to make of that, either.”
What It Really Means: So you had a one-night stand with this guy, and in the morning, you bounced without so much as a goodbye. Clearly, he wants to make sure you got home safe. Good. Whether he kicked you out or not is up to your own interpretation, but realize that assuming the worst could be writing off a potentially good thing.
“There’s a reason why so much uncertainty surrounds a one-night stand. Because it happens in the dead of night!” said Jackiewhite18. “Women leave because we mistakenly figure the guy doesn’t want us around past sunrise.”
She’s right. If one of you just picked up and left at dawn, then we applaud him for being the first to reconnect. A low-key text is the best way to do that.
How You Respond: Still think you want to see him again? Then we suggest: “Yup, thanks! Had a really great time last night! Sorry I left, but I had to be somewhere early. Can we catch up soon so I can make up for it?”
Thank him, give a reason for your quick departure, and then ask when you can see him again. If he’s interested, he’ll take the hint and run with it.
Who knows, a post-hookup text could be the start of something good — just ask Hulugirl55, who didn’t wait for her guy to make the first contact after the awkward morning-after.
“When people ask how I met my boyfriend, I can’t help but blush. We met at a party, one thing led to another, and I woke up in his bed. Later that day, I sent him a text joking about the night before. His reply, ‘Let’s do it again!’ We’ve been together ever since,” she said.
Are you getting texts from men? How do you feel about all of this texting especially in dating?
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